Chapter I. My Early History 12 -- First Appearance
... -- School Experience -- John Haight -- Breaking the Ice -- A Debt Discharged -- Living Statues -- Dive, you Vagabond! -- Speculation in Horns -- Biter Bit -- Horse and his Rider -- Crisis -- John goes to Sea -- A Naval Officer -- Pennies and Sixpennies -- Fish out of Water -- First Visit to New-York -- Adventures in the City -- Speculation in Oranges -- Guns and Torpedoes -- Funds running low -- My first Swop -- Vast Supplies -- Corporation Morals -- End of the Bargain -- Chapter II. Clerk in a Store--Anecdotes 28 -- Clerk in a Store -- An Eye to Business -- Jokers' Exchange -- My Inheritance -- Ivy Island -- Anticipations -- An Exploring Expedition -- Among the Bogs -- A Hornets' Nest -- Promised Land -- Vanished Dreams -- Razor-strops -- Diamond cut Diamond -- Drunkard's Keg -- Sense of Honor -- Dark Picture -- Credit stopped -- Tricks of Trade -- Three in a Bed -- Traps and Barricades -- Battle of the Spurs -- Wrong Horse -- Chapter III. Sunday-School--Old Meeting-House 43 -- Sunday-School -- Eccentric Clergyman -- A zealous Brother -- Pumping a Witness -- Awful Disclosures -- Suspicious Circumstances -- Trial -- Climax -- Wedding Fee -- Doctrinal Discussions -- Old Meeting-House -- Stove Reform -- Power of Imagination -- Deacon's Appeal -- Bible-Class -- One Thing Needful -- An Explosion -- Chapter IV. Anecdotes with an Episode 55 -- My Grandfather's Voyage -- A Stray Clergyman -- Beard Question -- A Quandary -- Whiskers Doomed -- Half-shaved -- Razor Overboard -- Indian File -- Unique Procession -- Joke kept up -- Christian's Death-bed -- Irishman's Dog -- Clinching the Bargain -- Trick discovered -- Mrs. O'Brien consoled -- Blue-Laws -- Stage Agent -- Dodging the Deacons -- Stretching the Legs -- Jehn's Consternation -- A Dry Season -- Miller's Trial -- Verdict -- Old Bob -- Bob in the Bogs -- Rider afoot -- A Slave for Life -- Marking the Value -- Chapter V. A Batch of Incidents 74 -- Money-making -- Lotteries -- An attractive Scheme -- No Blanks -- Small Prizes -- Predecessors in Humbug -- Cutting up Bacon -- Out of Breath -- An off Ox -- White-faced Rum -- A Pillar in the Church -- A Fish Story -- Tables turned -- Taking the Census -- Quick Work -- Hieroglyphies -- A Strange Name -- Taking an Oath -- Button Moulds -- Tin Peddler -- Trading in Whetstones -- Difference -- Materials for my Book -- Wood Chopper -- Excitement increases -- Wonderful Bean -- A Joke foreclosed -- Death of my Father -- A Trade in Bottles -- My Lottery -- Bottles and Skimmers -- Lots of Tin -- Doggerel -- Mysterious Stockings -- Curious Coincidence -- An Act of "Charity" -- Queer Symptoms -- Tit for Tat -- Trade in Russia -- Comedy of Errors -- Fun flies -- Explanation -- Filling Rum Bottles -- Old Pensioners -- Duel -- A Dead Shot -- Chapter VI. Incidents and Various Schemes 106 -- A Toe-string -- Spirit of Speculation -- On my own Hook -- Youthful Restlessness -- Successful Experiment -- Extending Business -- Swearing out the Balance -- Seeing the Elephant -- Forcing a Settlement -- Pettifogging -- Speech Spoiled -- My Maiden Plea -- A Cheap Wedding -- Disappointed Squire -- Quack Dentist -- Geese Feathers -- Consultation -- Love-Letter -- Vinegar and Honey -- Poetical Appeal -- Tender-lines -- Compromise -- Extravagant Living -- A Close Shave -- Useful Information -- Facts and Figures -- Lottery Mania -- Plot and Counterplot -- My Marriage -- Irish Peddler -- Mock Trial -- Motion to Adjourn -- A Real Lawyer -- A Seattering Court -- Judge Parsons -- House-keeping -- Religious Excitement -- Sectarian Politics -- Herald of Freedom -- Libel Suit -- In Jail -- Day of Jubilee -- Balancing Accounts -- Chapter VII. Struggling--Joice Heth--Vivalla 142 -- Removal to New-York -- Temptingt Advertisements -- Seeking Employment -- Disappointment -- Darrow and the Shirt -- Missed a Figure -- Joice Heth -- My First Interview -- Bill of Sale -- I Purchase Joice -- Contract -- Exhibition at Niblo's -- Management -- Notices of the Press -- Lawrie Todd -- Ancient Hymns -- Joice in Boston -- Maelzel -- Important Discovery -- A Ludicrous Incident -- Signor Vivalla -- My Second Show -- Washington City -- Scene in the Senate -- Anne Royall -- A Tempest of Wrath -- Paul Pry -- Proposed Speculation -- Pawning my Watch -- Challenge -- A Crotchet -- Private Interview -- Great Excitement -- Trial of Skill -- Moral -- Death of Joice -- Post-Mortem Examination -- A Statement -- Lyman's Hoax -- Newspaper Controversy -- False History -- My Object -- Chapter VIII. Travelling Circus 177 -- Our First Performance -- Incident in Church -- Old Turner -- A Disagreeable Joke -- Tar and Feathers -- Wrong Customer -- Fast Board -- A Crammed Company -- Arithmetical Puzzles -- Sorrowful Parting -- Speech in a Grove -- Serious Reflections -- Dead-head Sheriff -- Sharp Dodging -- Conspiracy Defeated -- Contracted Quarters -- A Perilous Journey -- Vivalla and the Indian -- Courage oozed out -- Egg Trick -- A Discomfited Juggler -- Yankee Munchausen -- Mysterious Boots -- A Long Nap -- Living Mummies -- My Uncle's Number -- Legs by the Bushel -- Bad Luck -- A Friend in Need -- A Hasty Wedding -- A Sudden Departure -- Advertising for a Pariner -- Curious Propositions -- A new Business -- Remnants of my Capital -- A Batch of Recipes -- A Showman again -- Recollections of my Tour -- A Mock Diamond -- In Jail again -- Chapter IX. American Museum 214 -- New Enterprises -- Foot of the Ladder -- Strong Resolutions -- American Museum -- A Bold Attempt -- An Interview -- Propositions -- Ivy Island again -- A Repulse -- Tactics -- Shots take Effect -- Stratagem Foiled -- Victory -- Neck or Nothing -- Museum Improvements -- Humbug and Reality -- Niagara in the Museum -- Taxed for a Cataract -- Falls in Full Flow -- Caught by an Editor -- Captain Cook Club -- My Laurels in Danger -- Hoaxer Hoaxed -- Fejee Mermaid -- Puzzle for Naturalists -- Professor Griffin -- Ways and Means -- An Ingenious Work -- Preliminaries -- Siebold's Explanation -- Grand Announcement -- Old Dutchman -- A Sight of the "Mare-Maid" -- Mermaid and Cigar -- Professor Nonplussed -- Striking the Flag -- Receipts in Contrast -- Profitable Opposition -- Gen. Tom Thumb -- A Frank Confession -- Chapter X. European Tour--Tom Thumb 246 -- Embarkation for England -- Farewell Thoughts -- Tobacco Trick -- Courtesy for a Fee -- A Yankee Guide -- Gloomy Prospects -- Gleam of Sunshine -- Value of Dwarfs -- London Manager -- Nobility Excluded -- Mr. Everett -- Visit at Rothschild's -- Golden Showers -- Lessons in Etiquette -- Tom Thumb before the Queen -- Backing Out -- Tom and the Poodle -- Prince of Wales -- Royalty and Yankee Doodle -- Fashionable Popularity -- Queen Dowager -- Iron Duke and Bonaparte -- Emperor Nicholas -- Review at Windsor -- Louis Philippe -- Royal Industry -- Field of Waterloo -- Deceased Military Friends -- An unexpected Smash -- Custom of the Country -- A Soaker -- Barber-ous Proceedings -- Brummagem Relies -- Worth makes the Man -- Golden Calves -- A Day with Albert Smith -- Who is Shakspeare? -- Guy of Warwick -- A Flock of Showmen -- A Great Day's Work -- Castle-hunting -- Yankee Curiosity -- A Lucky Pile -- An American Prince -- Suspicious Sausages -- Aneedote of Franklin -- Electric Glory -- Distinguished Americans -- General at Home -- Twenty-five Cents' Worth -- Tour in the United States -- General in Cuba -- Raising Turkeys -- Chapter XI. Jenny Lind Enterprise 296 -- An Agent to Europe -- Terms of Engagement -- Misrepresentations -- Contract -- A Surprise -- Agreement ratified --y A Cheap Picture -- Preparing the Way -- First Meeting with Jenny -- Landing -- Water versus Wine -- A new Proposition -- Jenny's Benevolence -- First Concert -- Enthusiastic Reception -- Petty Annoyances -- Management -- Press -- Receipts -- An Affecting Incident -- A Ruse -- Power of Imagination -- President Fillmore -- Messrs. Clay, Cass, Webster, and Benton -- Washington's Grave -- Shaking Hands -- Extempore Waiter -- Christmas Tree -- Solemn Moments -- Jenny in Havana -- A Triumph -- Recreation -- Vivalla and his Dog -- Prodigy -- Up the Mississippi -- Mystified Barber -- Hermitage -- April Fool -- Another Ruse -- Humbugged after all -- Useless Revolvers -- Engagement closed -- Jenny's Marriage -- Charity Concerts -- Price of Tickets -- Total Receipts of Concerts -- Jenny Lind's Receipts -- Chapter XII. "Side Shows"--Buffalo Hunt, Etc. 344 -- Moving Shakspeare's House -- Swiss Bell Ringers -- Various Enterprises -- Philadelphia Museum -- Travelling Menagerie -- Woolly Horse -- Fremont's Nondescript -- His Last Kick -- Herd of Buffaloes -- A Free Exhibition -- Buffalo Hunt -- Pleased with Humbug -- Circumstances alter Cases -- Monkey and Gander Skins -- Chapter XIII. Temperance and Agriculture 359 -- My Temperance Movements -- An Inextricable Dilemma -- My Conversion -- Self-delusion -- Maine Law -- Temperance Lectures -- A Question answered -- Cold Victuals -- A Man without Friends -- Gratifying Incident -- Temperance Tract -- Agriculture -- Small Potatoes -- Grafts and Suckers -- Indigestible Food -- Importance of Agriculture -- Labor and Taste Read More